8 Effective Ways to Handle Toddler Tantrums

Here are some of the most effective tips for handling toddler tantrums and stopping them from happening so often.

Ever heard of the terrible twos?

If you have children I’m sure you have.

Here’s what you may not know… for some kids three is even more difficult. I have known a three-nager or two.

I don’t say that to scare you if you’re not there yet, but to prepare you. And the thing is, two and three and even four is difficult for both you AND your child. They are learning so so much! Their brain is developing at an incredible speed and it can be a lot to handle!

I once heard of the terrible twos being reworded as the ‘teachable twos’ and I love that so much.

Their little brains are so ready to learn at this age, and there are definitely a lot of tricky moments but it can be such a fun and incredible experience.

The best way to make it a fun and incredible experience is to have the tools ready to handle the tough moments, like toddler tantrums.

I’m here to give you just that!

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RELATED: HOW TO POTTY TRAIN YOUR TODDLER IN THREE DAYS

Why do toddlers have tantrums?

You’ve probably seen a toddler go from peaceful sweetheart to raging dinosaur in mere seconds.

Why do they even have tantrums?

The reality is toddlers have only been on this earth for such a short time and they have no clue how to handle these big emotions. So they let it out the only way that feels natural.

It’s our job to teach them the proper way to handle those emotions.

Now, I know that’s easier said than done. I don’t know about you but my gut reaction is to scream and cry right along side them. Sometimes my toddler’s tantrums make me so mad.

But, my anger only makes things worse.

So, here are the things I try to do to diffuse those toddler tantrums.

Stay Calm

I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s so important to try and give them your calm, not join their chaos and fuel the fire.

I try to remember, they are not trying to give me a hard time, they are having a hard time.

That helps me so much.

Studies have proven that toddlers will calm down much quicker and learn to regulate themselves earlier on if they have a parent model emotional regulation for them. No words, no yelling, no lectures, just a calm presence.

Use Laughter and Play

Children learn through play!

They learn everything about the world through the play, so why wouldn’t it help calm a tantrum? Sometimes all they need is someone to lighten the mood.

Be silly, use a puppet to tell them to get their shoes on in a silly voice, or ask them to be their favorite animal while they get in the car.

Challenge them to a race to clean up their toys.

Say something absolutely ridiculous to get their attention and stop the tantrum mid scream. Once I asked my toddler if she saw mom on the ceiling. It makes absolutely no sense, but confused her long enough to finally get her pants on.

Get creative!

Take Them Outside or Put Them in Water

You may have even discovered this already, but putting them outside in the fresh air or in the bathtub is a sure fire way to calm a moody toddler.

Even just getting their hands in water helps. Set them up on a stool at the sink, or get a bucket of water and some scoops and containers. Maybe they just need some good sensory stimulation.

Redirect

Sometimes all it takes is a little distraction to get their mind off whatever is making them upset.

Or, sometimes they need to be directed to a more appropriate choice than whatever they are doing.

If you are going to tell a child what not to do, make sure to tell them what they can do instead.

Research shows that children’s brains actually understand positive statements (you can do this) easier than negative statements (don’t do that).

Sit Close By in Silence

You can be comforting and close while keeping your word and boundaries, and not giving in.

I feel like this was a new concept to me as a new parent, but it makes sense. It’s okay for them to be upset, it’s okay for you to comfort them or just be near them. That does not mean you have to give in or go back on your word.

You don’t have to deprive them of your affection.

On the other hand, some kids (my kids) do not want to be hugged but don’t necessarily want you to leave either. I often just sit at their level and wait for them to stop being upset. Then they take me up on my offer for a hug or move on.

Understand Your Child is Allowed to be Upset

As parents, obviously we always want our kids to be happy and content. It is hard seeing them upset, and for some of us even triggering.

But, we don’t need to keep them happy all the time. All kinds of emotions will come up throughout their entire life and it’s important to let them feel them and learn how to deal with them early on.

Talk About it AFTER the Tantrum

Children’s brains can’t understand logic when they’re upset. If you are in the middle of being angry, do you appreciate a lecture or do you need time to calm down before listening to reason?

It’s important to talk about what made them upset and if their actions were okay or not, but wait until they are calm.

They will be able to hear you and internalize what you are saying much better.

Consider Hunger and Sleep

If your child is simply hungry or tired, this can escalate things more than necessary.

If your child is throwing a tantrum, think about the last time they ate. They may just need a snack!

Think about if it’s close to nap time or maybe need an early bed time. Sometimes if it is simply hunger or exhaustion they may just need a little extra patience and grace.

I don’t know about you, but I get cranky when I am hungry or tired too!

Thank you for reading and I hope these tips help you survive AND thrive in the toddler stages!